How NOT to be a shaman
*Favor de traducirlo si alguien puede hacerlo* Entendi algunas cosas y me
Humor – or is it? 🙂
1.)Take miserable care of your body, your relationships, your finances and
everything in your life. Avoid anything that would make you happy – shamans
have to suffer.
2.)Understand that you can only possibly practice when your mind is relaxed
and untroubled by other concerns. So if there’s anything else at all you
‘should’ be doing, do it instead. For greatest efficiency, just thrash
around and worry about what you should be doing instead of actually doing
anything – that way you can endlessly reuse the same things.
3.)You know it’s impossible to make a living as a shaman or healer, so have
a day job you hate that leaves you mentally, physically and emotionally
exhausted. After work, you’ll be in no shape to practice, so have some ice
cream and watch TV. You deserve it.
4.)Invent endless constraints regarding under what circumstances you could
get shamanic work done. You need a special sacred space, a special set of
objects, absolute quiet, a certain kind of music. Spend more time
complaining about the lack of these circumstances than actually working.
5.)You’ll be able to get plenty of shamanic work done when you’re
independently wealthy and have lots of free time. Just wait till then.
6.)There are thousands of books on shamanism. Better read them all before
you start, one of them must have the secret. (Be sure to skip all the
7.)Let’s face it, you don’t know enough to be a shaman. You’ve never even
read [insert famous lite
rary work here]. Better get to it, or no one will take you seriously.
8.)Surround yourself with people who are jealous of your time, disrespect
your practices and beliefs and undermine you at every turn. If possible,
marry one and have kids.
9.)If you actually fail at all of the above, and actually do manage to
practice, make sure each movement, each act is perfect before you move on –
compare it to your favorite shamanic writer’s published works (you don’t
think people with talent have to practice, do you?) and attack it with all
the viciousness of your cruelest and most bitter high school teachers.
10.)Give up as soon as it seems hard or you feel uninspired. After all, if
it were really possible, it would flow smoothly and be easy.
11.)Whatever you do, don’t actually finish anything. Just keep starting new
practices. (Any work prior to your latest sucks anyway.) Or endlessly
torture your existing practices until you drain them of any vitality they
might once have had.
12.)If you do accomplish something, immediately share it with someone who
can be counted on to tear it apart, tell you you’re wasting your time, and
imply you’re an idiot for ever imagining you could be a shaman. Believe this
person – s/he wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.
13.)Be sure you never actually work out in the world with other people. Take
the decision of whether what you do works out of their hands: reject it for
14.)If an intent or practice seems to fail, don’t ever try it again –
obviously it was no good. In all likelihood, you aren’t either: be sure not
to pass up the opportunity to consider giving it all up.
15.)If, in an extreme case of failing at the above, you’ve actually done
something, know that it was just a fluke. Never ever believe in yourself.
Repeat as necessary.